As a single parent to two daughters, I was faced with various challenges, such as financial difficulties and lack of emotional support.
It was overwhelming juggling work, household responsibilities, and parenting my duties. Finding reliable childcare, was challenging, eventually it did get a little easier as the years went by, despite all of the challenges.
Weekends when spent in creating memories any way we could. You don’t need lots of money to create memories, it’s the special moments spent together that are priceless. It’s the paddling in a stream and the picnics we had together that my daughters remember.
On a Sunday each daughter would take it in turn to spend time with their grandparents ( my mum and dad ) which gave me a little break but I was never alone.
My daughter’s father quickly forgot about his responsibilities of two daughters. The support of money and the contact times, never really materialised. Even though everything was agreed during the divorce proceedings.
Nothing surprised me, where he was concerned.
What he didn’t realise was, he was letting his daughter down and driving a wedge between their relationship.
Me…I was getting really good at distracting my daughter from the trail of disappointment he would leave behind.
Raising my girls alone taught me to embrace my independence and resilience. It taught us all some very important life skills, problem-solving, strategies, and also decision-making abilities. Encouraging our creativity together and I think gave us all more confidence in life.
The one thing I didn’t do, was to remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup! Caring for myself was last on the list.
Sometimes I was a little overwhelmed by everything, which did result in bouts of depression.
Raising children alone is not easy and it was a journey filled with ups and downs, triumphs and challenges, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way…They are My Girls!
Anything in life is possible if you believe in yourself.
This wasn’t the easiest time of my life, but we survived, and we learned so much from those 8 years of just being the three of us.
Anna Wharton, Wendy’s ghostwriter, very kindly gave me permission to share
The video is about 9 minutes long, time to sit, get a cuppa and listen to Wendy as she talks about why people should have the right to choose a death with dignity
You may or may not not agree with Wendy’s view, we all have our own opinions and we all have the right to choose
As it is your choice to watch the video
You are welcome to share, it is what Wendy would have wanted
I was 2 months away from my 21st birthday when I gave birth to my first daughter Samantha.
The pregnancy wasn’t the best, excessive morning sickness and hospital admissions for the first few months, It wasn’t until i reached around 5months into the pregnancy that the sickness subsided.
I didn’t like being pregnant, maybe that was because of the sickness and lack of support from the father. He preferred beer rather than being at home.
That is one part of my life that I prefer to shut out, so I will probably just skirt around him, if you don’t mind.
When Samantha was born I was over the moon, I desperately wanted to be a mother, it wasn’t easy though, bringing up a child in a rocky marriage was not quite how I thought my motherhood chapter would be.
I became depressed and withdrawn as my marriage slowly disintegrated. I had counselling, took anti depressants in hope my life would get easier, but the underlying problem was still very much around.
It’s funny what you do whilst in a loveless marriage, I thought I had to make it works, I thought marriage was for life and I suppose I was also frightened of leaving.
I learned to cope with the bad times. The drinking and his behaviour became unbearable at times and I did threaten to leave on more than one occasion. Being naive he would talk me around, always apologising profusely for his behaviour, always told me he would change!
He would also buy me gifts and it worked!
18 months later I’m pregnant again.
I was overjoyed when Victoria was born, I now had two beautiful girls and I felt complete.
Within 12 months of me giving birth to Victoria, my marriage had gone from bad to worse.
The apologies and gifts meant nothing, I had, had enough!
I had a plan, if I went back to work full time I would be able to support me and my girls
I had recently tried part time evening jobs, which didn’t go down well, they never lasted, it was too much of a disruption for my daughter’s dad to have to stay at home.
I took on some part time cleaning jobs through the day and found a nursery for the girls. I had several little cleaning jobs and within a couple of months i was nearly working full time.
Then i spotted a job in the local paper, it was for an area supervisor for Lancashire County Council Building Cleaning. I read that advertisement many times, putting the paper down, no one would employ me, I wasn’t good enough and I didn’t think I had the qualifications.
I don’t know where I found the confidence to apply for that job, maybe it was my two girls. I’m glad I did because that’s when my life changed!
I had never attended an interview, never mind prepare a presentation. I worked tirelessly on my presentation, i needed it to capture the interview panel and most importantly, I needed this job more than anything, i needed this job to start a new life for me and my girls.
I can remember on my way to the interview in Clayton le woods, I played the music so loud in the car, trying to psych myself up!
I just kept telling myself…” You can do this” This is my job”.
When I entered that interview room I was so nervous. A panel of 3 people sat watching my every move, asking questions waiting for my response and judging my reactions. I answered the questions as confidently as I could, without trying to appear nervous.
Next was my presentation, now I was in control so I felt a little more at ease.
I left the interview room with Hope in my heart and my fingers crossed.
A week later I received a phone call “ We are pleased to inform you, your interview went well and we would like to offer you the position of Area Supervisor!
Oh my goodness, I couldn’t believe it!
Me and Area Supervisor looking after staff in premises in and around the Burnley area…Wow!
I did it!
Within 6 months of me starting work full time, I had plucked up the courage to file for divorce.
In desperation he threatened to take my girls away from me, many times. Scare tactics, or was they!
He moved out to live with his parents after our marriage became a little heated, threats and physical abuse began after he received the notification that I was filing for divorce on unreasonable behaviour.
With months the divorce was well on the way to being completed and I was navigating the courts to keep my two girls.
Sitting in that court room was quite an ordeal, and was not a pleasant experience, the outcome was well in my favour…Yes I won!
For him he had weekend visiting rights, which didn’t last long at all. He eventually severed contact moving around so he wasn’t traceable.
That in itself showed exactly what sort of a person he was.
After I started to write blogs about my childhood, I realised I had very few photos available.
I had no idea where I have put the old photos!
Why have they all disappeared!
After a week of thinking and searching, I eventually retrieve a couple from social media, but still can’t find the original photos!
Dementia and loosing things…Now that’s another topic!
Anyway, as if by magic 2 photos albums just appeared on the shelf!
I have very little recollection of this photo, looking at the background it was definitely taken outside Buckingham Palace, I would imagine possibly a holiday or a visit to see my Aunt and Uncle whom live in the south of England
I do vaguely remember that my mum had made me a trouser suit. The top of the suit was a very crinkly material, quite funny to the touch.
My mum made lots of my clothes, she had too, I was just so small and skinny that finding clothes to fit me was a bit of a problem.
Mum made all my ballet dresses too!
I absolutely loved ballet when I was young. I would have classes during the week after school and then competitions at the weekend, where mum would ferry me around to the different places, like Leeds, Blackburn, Blackpool. There I would perform alone on a stage In front of 3 or 4 judges.
I can remember the hustle and bustle of waiting your turn to perform. It could be so busy backstage as I patently waited for my number to be called.
I can remember there was always lots of young giggling girls all very excitable, practicing their ballet routine, having their hair and makeup done. The corridors were just filled with girls in ballet dresses and colourful costumes.
It was hectic, but I did love the the competitions.
When I was around 10 we moved house, this move was really traumatic, I was leaving the school where all my friends were. Also there was the trauma of leaving the home I had always known.
I started a new school, which I hated! I was bullied constantly. I didn’t know anyone or even like anyone and I hated the teachers!One particular teacher would hit me with a ruler in my palm of my hand for every word i spelt wrong.
I know spelling was not my strongest subject, this was mainly because the infant school i attended was part of a reading and writing experiment, it was called the ITA method.
The intention of ITA was to create a simple version of the written words, making it easier and quicker for children to read, it turned out in many ways to be the very opposite. ITA, in fact, added several complications to learning to read and spell.
Look at the text on the book below, I was learning this method in my early years, which I think definitely had an impact on my reading and writing.
High school was a much better transition for me, I did enjoy my time at Edge End High being involved in dance and the odd school production. I had lots of friends, one of which my parents called the walking bomb! Everything she touched, she damaged or broke!
Through school I went to college, just 1 day a week to study Textile and Design, I loved this day as the coach would pick us up out side of the school and take us to the college in Burnley. We would rush into the canteen for a potato cake…Oh my goodness they were the best, dripping in butter they would just melt in your mouth. I have never been able to find a potato cake as good as the ones at Burnley College!
After finishing my education. I went to work in a hairdresser completing my apprenticeship and gaining qualifications in both Hairdressing and Hair Science. Unfortunately I was made redundant in my 3rd year of hairdressing and took a different career direction…Textiles.
18 years old, I start working in a local mill, William Reeds.
My Parents, Grandparents, and other family members all working in the same mill, even met my first husband while working at William Reeds.
Two years I think I worked at William Reeds.
By the age of 21, I was married and expecting my first daughter
I thought it might be a nice idea to tell you a little bit about my life before dementia.
We all have a past, but for me, when I receive my diagnosis, my past life just seemed to disappear.
In an instance my life and all my past experiences just vanished!
I had now become a dementia statistic “The person with Early Onset Alzheimer’s”
It is so sad, but very true!
Most people only see the dementia, they are not interested that I actually had a life before this disease.
So over a few blogs I will be finding old photos to write about. Photos which I have randomly picked from my photo box.
Join me as I reigniting some childhood memories
I am an only child, and if I’m honest I was most probably spoiled, or was I?
The way I see things, just because I was an only child, my parents was able to give me most things in life, because there was only me.
I don’t remember my very early days of my life, but as I pull a photo from the box, it’s as if I’m in a Time Machine!
I’m transported back to 1964
My world now in black and white, no colour at this moment in time, no colour to brighten my past life, not at this early stage.
My first photo taken by a professional photographer, I sit looking at the photographer proudly showing off my first teeth.
My eyes are blue and the lace dress was a pale pink or was it peach? A delicate white overlay of lace to make the dress quite special.
Apparently everything I wore would be coordinated, I imagine everything would have had to be quite perfect.
I don’t seem to have many photos of me as a small child, they must all be at my parents house, but the ones I do have ignite memories.
I have no memories of the actual day, just memories of colours, objects in the photo, even smells are brought to mind.
I can remember that my first bike or should I say tricycle, had a bright yellow hard plastic seat, cold when I sat on it, especially when only wearing a little cotton dress.
The teddy bear sitting on the trike was white with a large pink satin bow.
Looking deeper into the photo, I’m pulled into my past.
I can just make out from the card, it’s my 2nd Birthday, you can see in my eyes that I am completely overjoyed!
I am sitting next to my dad in the living room of our terraced house in Nelson Lancashire.
I can remember the street being so clean and well kept, all the neighbours seemed friendly and helpful from what I can remember.
I think one neighbour was called Sandra and the other was called …oh for goodness sake, the name was there in my head and now it’s just disappeared!
(The name of the neighbours came to me a few days later, it was Mr and Mrs Gresty)
I can also remember a Mr and Mrs Woods, they where an elderly couple whom lived across the back.
I can remember on one occasion taking a little tumble, and if by magic an egg shaped lump appeared, protruding from my forehead. Mrs Woods made it all better with a rub of butter on the protruding lump and a sweet from the dish which sat on the large wooden sideboard in her back room. Her house always smelt of sweet things like butterscotch and possibly baking.
My Dad had a friend further up the street, I think his name was Bob. Their house also had sweets on the sideboard too…I wonder if everyone had a dish of sweets on their sideboard?
Funny what memories we remember as a small child.
As I got a little older I can remember a family living near to my dad’s friend Bob, they had a little girl and I would sometimes go and play at her house. There in one of the rooms was a wooden rocking horse, oh my word I thought that rocking horses was amazing!
Climbing onto that horse would feel so good, it was as if I was in another world, a fairy tale world, a world of imagination.
As children we do have great imaginations,
Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
Imagination is the door to possibilities. It is where creativity begins, maybe that’s why I have a good imagination for art.
Possibly my imagination and creativity started from a very young age, I wonder if it comes from the imaginative world of being an only child
One of the characteristics of being an only child is the lack of built-in playmates at home. While many may think this is a lonely place to be, it encouraged me to become best friends with my imagination, and the power of make-believe allowed me to escape into fantasy worlds of my own creation. My wildest dreams would come to life alongside my teddies and dolls and I didn’t have to leave home.
I realise that being an only one, did have its downside but also so many positives, like helping to create my own independence and problem-solving skills, being alone taught me the value of solitude and self reliance.
While being an only child come with challenges, the imaginative world is filled with endless possibilities and boundless creativity. Through make-believe, inventive games, and the joy of just being alone.
I realise now, to embrace your imagination is a powerful tool for self-expression and exploring
So, if you’re an only child, remember the positives of being able to just let your imagination run wild and revel in the magic of your own creative world.
After so many of you enjoy my blog about the wonderful little birds and their song, I thought I would share the birds or waterfowl that I see on my regular walks around the nature reserve pond
waterfowl are a delightful sight, with their graceful movements on the water and vibrant plumage.
From the majestic swans to adorable ducks, i will take you with me to explore some of the most fascinating waterfowl species found on the Nature Reserve I visit every opportunity I get.
The Majestic Mute Swans:
One of the most iconic waterfowl species is the Mute Swan. Known for their elegant appearance and graceful movements, These large birds are distinguished by their pure white feathers and orange beaks, and are a pleasure to watch especially when performing their courtship displays, where they swim in synchronized patterns, creating a mesmerizing sight.
Canada Goose
A very noisy bird indeed! It has got to be one of the noisiest on the pond! I certainly know when they are visiting. The Canada goose has a black neck and white chinstrap, with brown wings. Often can be seen in mixed flocks and can be a real nuisance, yet their young are just so adorable
The Charming Colourful Mallards:
The Mallard duck is a common sight with the male having a vibrant green heads and distinctive quacking sounds. These ducks are known for their strong pair bonds and protective parenting behavior, making them a joy to observe.
Coots:
Coots are another interesting waterfowl species. These medium-sized birds are known for their striking black plumage and white beaks. The Coots are often seen gliding gracefully across the water, using their rather large lobed toes. These birds are so entertaining, especially when using their large feet to run across the water at speed!
Greylag Geese:
Greylag Geese are another very common sight, especially during the winter months when they gather in large flocks. These geese are known for their distinctive honking calls and V-shaped flying formations.
Great Crested Grebe
The Great Crested Grebe has to be one of my favourite water birds. I do get quite obsessed taking hundreds of photos of this delightful, elegant bird with its decorative head plumes. Great Crested Grebes dive to feed and also to escape, preferring this to flying. They have an elaborate mating display which sees them rising out of the water shake their heads. Another wonderful display is when the very young Grebes ride on their parents’ backs.
Whether you’re a seasoned birdwatcher or simply appreciate the beauty of nature, waterfowl are sure to leave you in awe with their grace and charm.
So, next time you’re near a lake, river or pond, take a moment to admire these fascinating of the avian wonders that maybe somewhere near to you.
It was Friday 12th April 2024, I was meeting up with my Admiral Nurse Maxine and Julie
Today would be a community health and well-being event which would be taking place from 12 – 4pm at the Winter Gardens Blackpool
I would be travelling by tram today as I hate trying to navigate the carpark pay machines, they are just so confusing…They don’t take coins anymore!
As I get off the tram at the North Pier I see a little elephant
Woo I mustn’t get distracted!
I had completely forgotten that it was the start of Elmer’s Big Parade!
Elmers Big Parade Blackpool, will be brought to life by a herd of uniquely decorated, amazingly creative, elephant sculptures.
For eight weeks around 70 sculptures will live in locations around Blackpool, where you can view and follow a trail to find all the beautifully decorated little elephants.
I didn’t have to go out of my way to find any elephants as some was positioned in places that i passed on my journey to the Winter Gardens
Elmers trail will have to wait for another day, I have an event to attend at the Winter Gardens.
I arrive at the event around 11.15am, lucky for me the Dementia UK Stand is situated just in at the main doors so don’t have to worry about finding Maxine and Julie, I see there smiling faces as soon as I open the doors.
The Winter Gardens Floral Hall is the central passage through the Winter Gardens complex, with entrances and exits at either end, providing access to the Opera House and Empress Ballroom.
On first appearance the floral hall has is not unlike a shopping centre, but without the shops, however it is far more opulent.
It really is a beautiful old building with so much character and charm. Just a shame that accessibility to toilets are quite difficult. As it is an old building there is quite a lot of noise which seems to echo around the hall.
We met lots of people from other agencies and also chatted with people with and without dementia, it really was an informative few hours.
There were so many stalls stretching the full length of the hall. So much information and so many free pens!
How could I not enjoy the day…I was with Maxine and Julie
It was very early in the morning, when I received a text message from Floodline Alert.
The weather had taken a turn for the worst, a storm was on its way!
Storms bring both excitement and danger, for me, I just love to photograph the huge waves that a storm brings. I just love those waves that go absolutely crazy, leaping into the air totally out of control.
The problem I have, I sometimes forget the danger!
As I lift my camera to my eye and look through the lens, the sea draws me in, it hypnotises me, I become so consumed with the dancing sea and its spectacular show.
When the humongous wave reaches its great crescendo, I simply forget that it will come crashing down somewhere.
The sea is so very unpredictable and when other factors like strong winds and storms join in they can create a powerful swell and huge breaking waves that pose a significant threat to both ships and life.
I just totally forget the force which is exerted by those stormy large waves.
On Tuesday, I forgot all the dangers that stormy seas bring.
I was just so excited to see what I could capture with my camera.
I rushed out at high tide, driving a short distance to a favourite spot where I know the waves would be crashing in and leaping into the air.
As I drove, I knew taking the coastal route that runs along the side of the prom would be dangerous, the waves would be crash in, bring with them debris and pebbles!
Not wanting my car to be damaged by any debris, I pull off the main road onto a side street, park up and continuing on foot.
The wind is so strong it is making walking difficult, I even come to a standstill as some gusts nearly knock me off my feet. Correcting my balance I am off again, walking nearer and nearer to the prom wall.
Now as we have had flood warnings all the sea defence gates have been closed, this is to hold the high tide waters at bay, also there could be danger to life!
Me, I proceed to get as close as I possibly can.
I stand with camera in hand, looking through the lens. Oh my goodness the wind is so strong! I a struggling to hold the camera still!
Then all at once I hear rumblings. A sound very similar to thunder! With almighty roar and crash, I feel the sea spray coming near.
No time to move! The giant monster of a wave is upon me!
I turn my back on this beast trying to protect my camera, but it’s too late, no time to move, no time to protect. The huge beast of a wave encases me in salty freezing cold water.
Wow!
I take in a gasp of air, as the freezing cold water penetrates my clothing.
I need a moment!
What has just happened!
In a blink of an eye that humongous wave had encased me!
As the sea retracted, I was back!
Reality hit me!
It was time to go home, being outdoors was far too dangerous!
I walk away from the sea wall, drenched!
My camera and camera bag are completely soaked, my feet are squelching as the sea water had filled my boots, the coat that once protected my body from the wind and rain is no more.
I walk back to my car looking a right soggy mess. It served me right!
Who in their right mind would go out to take photos on such a stormy day!
Mood can definitely knock me off course as my artist brain fails me.
I have found it very difficult to inspire myself over the last month or so.
It’s funny how something in one’s head just clicks, like the flick of a switch, it suddenly sends a spark, my brain is ignited and my inspiration takes hold.
I think my switch is a little faulty at the moment!
Last week it worked well as my inspiration took hold and I just created.
I had seen a piece of art in an art shop while visiting the Lake District. The piece was black rolling hills on a white background, it was so dramatic.
On my return home I looked for artists and other pieces of black and white art. It was then I came across Japanese art. The art of using black ink, it seemed simple yet so effective.
The more I looked at some of the pieces, the more I was inspired to have a go.
I love trying new techniques, my excitement builds as I run with so many ideas
“Life is hard but not impossible”
Once I had started there was no stopping me, I even found myself naming the art pieces, something I have not done before…Well I don’t think I have!
“Strength and Happiness”
I wasn’t using brushes to create these pieces, I was using a dried flower!
Art doesn’t have to be an expensive hobby, I have used many different papers, canvases, stones, wood. You can paint on almost anything, even newspaper!
“Time to Move On“
I am really loving experimenting with ink and the Japanese style, it’s given me so much inspiration
So from feeling quite flat and deflated, I’m now running with ideas.
Once again I’m pulled into my craft room where creativity takes hold.
Since I was diagnosed with dementia, I just love being around nature.
I thought today i would share some of the wonderful birds and their tuneful songs
Stepping outside into a garden or maybe a stroll in the park, you are likely be greeted by a symphony of delightful chirps and tweets from the numerous feathered visitors.
Birds bring life and color to our surroundings, offering a sense of tranquility and joy to those who take the time to observe them.
Let me take you into the world of nature and just some of the wonderful little birds
I have even recorded their wonderful birdsong too.
Robin The beloved robin is perhaps one of the most iconic British garden birds, known for its bright red breast and cheerful song. I often see a delightful little robin hopping around the garden, or indeed following me around the Nature Reserve. Me and Robins do have a special connection, I love to build their trust, hoping they will feed from my hand
Blue Tit With its striking blue, yellow, and white plumage, the blue tit is a stunning addition to any garden, and these little birds are like little acrobats as they flit from branch to branch in search of food.
Blackbird The blackbird is also familiar sight, with its sleek black plumage and bright orange-yellow beak. They are like little Olympic runners as they sprint through the garden. They are mainly ground feeders, feeding on worms, insects and berries. The male has such a beautiful singing voice.
Goldfinch Woo the little goldfinch is a stunning garden visitor, with its vibrant red face and yellow wing patches. These small finches are known for their tinkling, bell-like song. You can often see them extracting seeds from trees and plants with their delicate beaks. Goldfinches are a joy to watch and bring so much colour.
Sparrow Sparrows are a common sight in our gardens, their brown and gray plumage may not be as colourful as some, but they certainly make up for it with their cheerful chirps, they seem such a happy little bird.
Song Thrush
The Song Thrush, plumage may not be the brightest, their speckled breast stands out from the crowd though.
Wow! such a beautiful singing voice, will definitely entertain you with their beautiful song.
Watching and listening to the birds can provide a sense of connection to the natural world and bring a sense of peace and tranquility to my life, taking me into another world, forgetting my world of dementia.
You don’t need a massive garden to attract some feathered friends, you just need to create a bird-friendly environment with feeders and perhaps a little bird bath. If you have room,even a nesting box may attract a little feathered friend.
Next time you step outside, take a moment to appreciate the beauty and charm of the little garden birds that share the outdoor space with you.
Too Young for Dementia? 